A comic is usually paired off with another comic they have never met. So, somehow after every show comics end up at a strip club. Most of us have girlfriends back home, so we go to the only place where we can look at naked girls, not worry about cheating, and still remain respectful. So here are my topless reviews of nudey bars that I have frequented after shows.
Elko, Nevada: The Horse Shoe I ended up at the Horse Shoe after performing at the Red Lyon. The Horse Shoe is the best-kept secret in Elko. A shuttle picked us up from our hotel room at the Red Lyon. The shuttle driver was a cool girl who drives the shuttle during the graveyard shift. We nicknamed the shuttle the Bang Bus. The shuttle driver dropped us off at the Horse Shoe just because it was the most happening spot. The cover was only $2.00. We pay the cover walk in and it looks like a normal club, but then they had topless dancers, which was cool. The girls had no plastic surgery and were average with a little layer of chubbiness to them. It is refreshing and kind of sexy. This is where I really heard Marilyn Manson for the first time and I really liked it. Maybe, it was because I had boobies in my face at the time. One girl came out with an ace bandage on her knee. Under the dim lighting you could hardly tell. I thought she was a sport until I saw her icing her knee between songs. I felt kind of bad. They should have put her on injured reserve or something. Over all; a cool place. San Jose, CA: Pink Puddle I went to the Pink Puddle after performing at Big Lil’s Cabaret. Pink Puddle has a special place in my heart. It was the first strip club I went to when I turned eighteen. I was so naive back then. I actually believed the strippers liked me for me. It is a cool place and very intimate. No lap dances are allowed; however, its one of the few places in San Jose where the strippers get fully nude. Due to the full nudity they will not allow the Puddle to serve alcohol. I guess they do not want you getting too much of a good thing. PS I had the honor of seeing Jenna Jameson dance at the Pink Puddle just before she became famous. It’s a memory I hold close to my heart. It’s like seeing Elvis at the county fair before he made it big. Las Vegas, NV: Cheetah's Cheetah's is one of the more popular clubs in Las Vegas. The dancers are topless with attitude. They look at you like your a pervert, mean while they're the one's hanging upside down naked from a pole. My friend and I had to kill time because our plane left at 6 A.M. We went there because we had no room the last night Vegas and I was propositioned by a dancer to go back to my room. I didn't have a room! San Francisco, CA: The Hustler Club The Hustler Club is what happens when too much money and politics get involved with the beautiful art known as stripping. It is just a giant corporate run strip club with little or no personal touch to it. First off, the strippers wear pasties and they do not leave the pole. During the entire dance the dancers never leave the pole. Which has to be just so the club will not even put themselves in legal jeopardy. The woman are not even that hot. You expect a brand name like Hustler to have hottest girls dancing for them. No! They have average woman performing average dancing in an average club. I wish I had four hands so I could give it four thumbs down. |
 Juba is the world’s only suicidal bomber advice columnist dog. If you need any advice feel free to contact Juba at Juba@jasondowns.net
 Dear Juba, In my cubicle at work I had tickets to a Green Day concert on mydesk. As I left for a break I noticed a co-worker admiring my tickets. When I returned, the tickets disappeared. I don't want to accuse him of stealing if I have no real proof. The fact that I miss the concert is not even an issue. I am more bothered by the fact that I can't trust my coworkers. What do you think I should do? No way for Green Day Dear No way for Green Day, Invite your coworker out for few non-alcoholic beverages after work. Then when he is least suspecting it, hit him over the head with a blunt object. Not to kill, but to knock him out. Then cut his hands off at the wrist. Hang his hands outside your cubicle as a warning to all those who might dishonor you in the future. In times like these, it is good to remind ourselves of the golden rule. Due onto others as they would do onto you, only do it first. Praise Allah! Dear Juba, I did as you said. I invited my coworker out to work and hit him over the head with my laptop. While he was groggy he was not fully unconscious, which made it difficult to cut off both his hands. However, I got one hand and a thumb of another. The next day at work I hung the hand and the thumb from the top of my cubicle, just as you said. I was soon fired. While I was cleaning out my things I noticed the Green Day tickets slid behind my file cabinet. I was so embarrassed. Now I have no job, and I am facing jail time. Do you have any advice? No way for Green Day Dear No way for Green Day, My bad. Praise Allah! |
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