10. George Bush: Due to Bush’s reputation as the biggest fuck up in U.S. history, he has stirred such a hunger for change that the American voters could get past race and nominate the first half-white U.S. President.

9. Jacob Sirof gets cut from Jim Norton’s Down and Dirty HBO special: My close friend Jacob Sirof was cut from a show he already taped. This allowed me to feel better about myself because I realize that other people have shitty things happen to them, it’s not just me. . . sorry Jacob.

8. Housing market falls: This is my big chance to get in the market.

7. Oil spill in the San Francisco Bay: My buddy Rusty works on the docks when it happens, and I get a first hand account of a major local disaster.

6. Gun’s N’ Roses, aka Axl Rose, finally releases Chinese Democracy after fourteen years: I realize the best things in life do not always come to those who wait.

5. Stock Market falls; investors lose fortunes: This is my big chance to catch up.

4. Randy Couture loses to MMA newcomer Brock Lesnar: My hatred for Brock Lesnar is justified.

3. Local MMA favorite John Fitch gets beat by George St. Pierre: He proved that it is not whether you win or lose; it is how you play the game.

2. Prop 8 is passed in California: Just a little bit closer towards my own personal movement to ban all marriage gay or straight.

1. Myspace popularity falls to Facebook: I know longer have to worry about how many “friends” I have.

I am a huge fan of mixed martial arts. Recently I realized Frank Shamrock , the worlds greatest fighter, has his own myspace. I asked to be his friend and within a short time he posted the following:

Subject Heavyweight fighter wanted for IFL Razorclaws
Body: Hello all

Since Travis Wiuff signed to fight with Pride Fighting Championships, the San Jose Razorclaws are looking for a good heavyweight who is an accomplished mixed martial artist.

Prefer someone that could relocate to San Jose, CA and train with the team full time but something can be worked out, if the candidate is right, and the situation dictates.

The pay and training are top notch.

Please contact xxxx via email: xxxx@frankshamrock.com

Send you vital stats, fight record and contact information (i.e. phone number, email address and maililng address)

Thanks


So this is my application that I emailed to Frank Shamrock:

Hello I am very interested in fighting for the IFL Razorclaws. I am 6 foot and 230lbs, about 21% body fat, but I am working on it. I just bought the book the Abs Diet and I will soon be on my way to the new me. I have a very diverse background in martial arts. When I was eight I took a class in Karate. I learned a lot, but I had to quit after the first lesson because my mom couldn't afford the lessons. The first lesson was free.
By the age of eight I had some experience in street fighting. When I was five a bully tried to pick on my, so I pushed him off the top of a slide. And when I was ten I got in at fight with a kid who picked on one of my friends by throwing down one of his skateboards. I would have won the fight but I had the kid in a headlock and he had a Jerry Curl so he slipped out and attacked me from behind. Once he had the upper hand he took me to the ground and pummeled me. I realize then that I had to work on my ground game.
Then in eight Grade I wrestled for a season in middle school. I lost all of my matches but one. On my final match of the season I accidentally slammed my opponent on his head. He could not continue and I won by forfeit. My record for that season was 1-8.
In community College I wanted something new, so I started taking Kung Fu San Soo. Kung Fu San Soo is a very intense martial art from the southern part of China and was developed during the Yao Ming Dynasty. I had to give up Kung Fu San Soo when it became to costly to continue. However, before I quite I did advance to third degree yellow belt. While that was nearly ten years ago I have retained much of what I learned. My sifu told me to never wash the belt because if you do you wash away the knowledge.

When I transferred to San Francisco State we had the honor of having Olympic Judo Coach teach Judo for the students. So I registered for Elementary Judo. I flourished, and in only a year I earned my Yellow Belt. Now I realize most judo Students advance within six months to yellow, but I took some time off for summer vacation.
That was four years ago but I have been dying to get back in the fight game. I realize I don't have the greatest stats in the world. I may not bench 400lbs, or have reflexes like a cat, but I have what matters most; heart!

Jason Downs